Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
