The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
this boner is exhausting
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
