she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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