My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Randomize
