Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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