I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
