i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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