I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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