I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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