I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
