she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my shit smells like andre
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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