you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
