A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
