If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
