do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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