what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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