checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize