you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
