so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
