Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She told me I should be a condom model.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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