Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
