I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize