and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
