lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
