i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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