saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
