just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
