3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
