mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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