she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
