I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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