So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
