They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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