walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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