I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize