I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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