if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
