Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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