I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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