DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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