I'm lost and stupid without you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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