i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
