Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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