Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
