I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
