Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
