if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
