Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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