Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
there's paper in my vomit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
