you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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