i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
