I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize