I'm really into asian looking animals
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
this is an emotional support booty call
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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