I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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