On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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