I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
time to smoke my breakfast
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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