PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
