Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
