were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
