I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize