Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
