I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just had sex on a roof
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
