I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
