i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
