I CAN MOONWALK!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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