Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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